DOPPELTHINGERS

by trash expert, Maggie Mull
MAYONNAISE/ HEART
Oh, dont worry guys, just some MAYONNAISE that looks EXACTLY like a CLOGGED HEART. I don’t care. Thats not a CRAZY FUCKING BIRD SIGN coincidence. No need to call TIRESIAS, soothsayer of THEBES. Oh, by all means, CALL THE POLICE. Its not like I’M NOT KEGELING ON THE LAWN. Really. I DONT CARE. Its NOT A BIG DEAL.
in other news, inflation is coming down on us hard, guys. SELL GOLD NOW!

MAYONNAISE/ HEART

Oh, dont worry guys, just some MAYONNAISE that looks EXACTLY like a CLOGGED HEART. I don’t care. Thats not a CRAZY FUCKING BIRD SIGN coincidence. No need to call TIRESIAS, soothsayer of THEBES. Oh, by all means, CALL THE POLICE. Its not like I’M NOT KEGELING ON THE LAWN. Really. I DONT CARE. Its NOT A BIG DEAL.

in other news, inflation is coming down on us hard, guys. SELL GOLD NOW!

SO-CAL NACHO
yo kevin got da sickest beanz snack 2go at Dizy Land, & he was all, i dont need a bag im gonn wear da beanz, LOLz LOLz but then he kept wearin it & fo real yo kevin haz never taken them off, he sayz, stay tru & keep a pozitive 4 manny & the dodgers and never compromise, Kevin iz legend 

SO-CAL NACHO

yo kevin got da sickest beanz snack 2go at Dizy Land, & he was all, i dont need a bag im gonn wear da beanz, LOLz LOLz but then he kept wearin it & fo real yo kevin haz never taken them off, he sayz, stay tru & keep a pozitive 4 manny & the dodgers and never compromise, Kevin iz legend 

NAPKIN/ GHOST
Oh, its “gross” to show somebody’s blood-soaked napkin? Tell that to the gallery boys in Chelsea, selling doo-doo smears for two hundreds and a nickel. Art is Real, people. Art is ugly. Sometimes you cut your testicle on a tin can and that’s a fucking performance piece. Sometimes you burn your nose off, just because you can! And I’ll be damned if I don’t get a few molars for this napkin installation.
Contact J.R. for pricing.

NAPKIN/ GHOST

Oh, its “gross” to show somebody’s blood-soaked napkin? Tell that to the gallery boys in Chelsea, selling doo-doo smears for two hundreds and a nickel. Art is Real, people. Art is ugly. Sometimes you cut your testicle on a tin can and that’s a fucking performance piece. Sometimes you burn your nose off, just because you can! And I’ll be damned if I don’t get a few molars for this napkin installation.

Contact J.R. for pricing.

CHICKEN STRIP/ MUMMY
Mummy?!? Um, more like: YUMMY! More like: MUM’S THE BIRD! Am I right?!  But, seriously…those arms will cut your exit-eye seven ways to Sunday on the way out. I’ve seen an anal fissure or two that that could hide Zlata’s fucking Diary….AND DID!

CHICKEN STRIP/ MUMMY

Mummy?!? Um, more like: YUMMY! More like: MUM’S THE BIRD! Am I right?!  But, seriously…those arms will cut your exit-eye seven ways to Sunday on the way out. I’ve seen an anal fissure or two that that could hide Zlata’s fucking Diary….AND DID!

KETCHUP/ WOOLLY MAMMOTH
The last time I found a Woolly Mammoth in my Breakfast, I married the bitch! Talk about a shotgun wedding…If I’d known, I would have used a bazooka instead! On myself! 
Stick around. We got Balloon Arts with Kevin at 7.

KETCHUP/ WOOLLY MAMMOTH

The last time I found a Woolly Mammoth in my Breakfast, I married the bitch! Talk about a shotgun wedding…If I’d known, I would have used a bazooka instead! On myself! 

Stick around. We got Balloon Arts with Kevin at 7.

CAPPUCCINO FOAM/ ELK (look on the rim, not the middle, you swine)c/o Tyler—“Try Harder”—Thompson 
"I’ve seen hearts and flowers drawn in my foam, but this is ridiculous!” — Asshole P. Fannies, food critic

CAPPUCCINO FOAM/ ELK (look on the rim, not the middle, you swine)
c/o Tyler—“Try Harder”—Thompson 

"I’ve seen hearts and flowers drawn in my foam, but this is ridiculous!” — Asshole P. Fannies, food critic


CHICKEN CUTLET/ BOSTON TERRIER/ CAT 
I say this is a chicken cutlet. In reality I have no idea what it is and I don’t need anybody’s judgment about that. It could be a hash brown. It could be a Japanese cracker. I don’t know,ok? I’m not a fucking music-man. I can’t create magic with a flute or summon wraiths through song. Sure, I have a hardboiled egg in my bra. Who, without a fucking death wish, doesn’t? So get off my back, government swine. Its a free country and I can build a house of leather goods in the goddamn woods if I want to.
Oh, and quick plug: animal-balloonery tonight. my place. the woods. cash only.

CHICKEN CUTLET/ BOSTON TERRIER/ CAT 

I say this is a chicken cutlet. In reality I have no idea what it is and I don’t need anybody’s judgment about that. It could be a hash brown. It could be a Japanese cracker. I don’t know,ok? I’m not a fucking music-man. I can’t create magic with a flute or summon wraiths through song. Sure, I have a hardboiled egg in my bra. Who, without a fucking death wish, doesn’t? So get off my back, government swine. Its a free country and I can build a house of leather goods in the goddamn woods if I want to.

Oh, and quick plug: animal-balloonery tonight. my place. the woods. cash only.

MAN’S FACE (jesus?) / PIZOOKIE (PIZZA-COOKIE) FROM BJ’S RESTAURANT(c/o Christina, and her rad blog: http://flyinginmyairplane.blogspot.com/ )
Look, I don’t even care if you see the face or not. Thats not what this is about. This is about respect for an institution called BJs that serves up an appetizer sampler that will wipe the smile off a fucking clown’s fucking face. You get wings, you get ‘dilla triangles, you get potato wedges— LASER FUCKING CUT!!—you get bruschetta squares, you get a sexual chicken wonton that will bind your feet back to the Orient.
Oh, you want to make a joke about it being called BJs? You think thats funny? Well I’ve never seen a blow-jay goof take down the bold flavors of a chimichanga platter, replete WITH a cool garlic aioli and a curl of fucking greens.
I think I rest my case.

MAN’S FACE (jesus?) / PIZOOKIE (PIZZA-COOKIE) FROM BJ’S RESTAURANT
(c/o Christina, and her rad blog: http://flyinginmyairplane.blogspot.com/ )

Look, I don’t even care if you see the face or not. Thats not what this is about. This is about respect for an institution called BJs that serves up an appetizer sampler that will wipe the smile off a fucking clown’s fucking face. You get wings, you get ‘dilla triangles, you get potato wedges— LASER FUCKING CUT!!—you get bruschetta squares, you get a sexual chicken wonton that will bind your feet back to the Orient.

Oh, you want to make a joke about it being called BJs? You think thats funny? Well I’ve never seen a blow-jay goof take down the bold flavors of a chimichanga platter, replete WITH a cool garlic aioli and a curl of fucking greens.

I think I rest my case.

TANGERINE PEEL/ WALKING MAN (or Berlin’s Ampelmann? Or Yoshi from Mario? Or Fighting Irish?)
Things that are insane about this find: he has a distinct eye and mouth, a perfect nose and hair (or hat!), two complete legs and an arm; and if you look closely, a tiny tiny tiny tiny little wee-wee and one tiny ball. 
Ok! I think that about does it.

TANGERINE PEEL/ WALKING MAN (or Berlin’s Ampelmann? Or Yoshi from Mario? Or Fighting Irish?)

Things that are insane about this find: he has a distinct eye and mouth, a perfect nose and hair (or hat!), two complete legs and an arm; and if you look closely, a tiny tiny tiny tiny little wee-wee and one tiny ball. 

Ok! I think that about does it.

TREE COVER (Im as confused as you are)/ DOG WITH TONGUE OUT
Guys, I dont know whats going on here. I’m not Nostradamus, ok? This isn’t the work of a scientist or a pharmacist or physician. I’m just a lopsided nightmare-factory trying to make her way. And I’m not a preschool teacher. Im not your “local gymnast.” This isn’t “Waking Ned Devine,” the comical Irish tale about what happens when people stop planning, and start living. 
Ah. Forget it. I’ll be in my crawl space.
Bring snack(s).

TREE COVER (Im as confused as you are)/ DOG WITH TONGUE OUT

Guys, I dont know whats going on here. I’m not Nostradamus, ok? This isn’t the work of a scientist or a pharmacist or physician. I’m just a lopsided nightmare-factory trying to make her way. And I’m not a preschool teacher. Im not your “local gymnast.” This isn’t “Waking Ned Devine,” the comical Irish tale about what happens when people stop planning, and start living. 

Ah. Forget it. I’ll be in my crawl space.

Bring snack(s).

ROCK/ GHOSTphoto c/o Karen Harrison
Guys, TOTAL goof-fest on the trail today! EVERYBODY was wasted. All the gang was there: Tu-lox, Ghost Mom, Ghost Dad, Chim Chim Cheroo, Junnifer, Coby, Willis X. Found Ghost Rock just chillin’ there. So chill. #chill

ROCK/ GHOST
photo c/o Karen Harrison

Guys, TOTAL goof-fest on the trail today! EVERYBODY was wasted. All the gang was there: Tu-lox, Ghost Mom, Ghost Dad, Chim Chim Cheroo, Junnifer, Coby, Willis X. Found Ghost Rock just chillin’ there. So chill. #chill

SNUGGIE BLANKET/CREEPY FACE
Remember that game “two truths & a lie?”
1) My parents sent me this photo in an email titled “REALLY? COME ON!”2) Its a screen capture from the show Hoarding:Buried Alive.3) I’m a happy, well-adjusted person.
OK! Now Guess!

SNUGGIE BLANKET/CREEPY FACE

Remember that game “two truths & a lie?”

1) My parents sent me this photo in an email titled “REALLY? COME ON!”
2) Its a screen capture from the show Hoarding:Buried Alive.
3) I’m a happy, well-adjusted person.

OK! Now Guess!

WATER UNDER DRINKING GLASS/ PIG
Even my drinking glass agrees with Mother.

WATER UNDER DRINKING GLASS/ PIG

Even my drinking glass agrees with Mother.

CRUSHED STYROFOAM TAKE-OUT BOX/ ANGRY FACE / SWEET LIL HAMSTER
According to lore, people see different things when they look at this doppelthinger. So, in that way, its not too different from that chic Mayan wheel in the movie Chocolat, so, in that way, IT MEANS EVERYTHING. I, for example, see an angry face, so Im like the Judy Dench. But My friend, @KyleMillerYoga, for example, sees a cute hamster, so shes like Pontouf, the imaginary kangaroo character. But, NOBODY, not NOBODY, is like Rourd, the Johnny Depp river-rat character, because there is only one man skilled enough to see those dark waters, and thats Paul Reiser.— Scrotum, London, 1967.

CRUSHED STYROFOAM TAKE-OUT BOX/ ANGRY FACE / SWEET LIL HAMSTER

According to lore, people see different things when they look at this doppelthinger. So, in that way, its not too different from that chic Mayan wheel in the movie Chocolat, so, in that way, IT MEANS EVERYTHING. 

I, for example, see an angry face, so Im like the Judy Dench. But My friend, @KyleMillerYoga, for example, sees a cute hamster, so shes like Pontouf, the imaginary kangaroo character. But, NOBODY, not NOBODY, is like Rourd, the Johnny Depp river-rat character, because there is only one man skilled enough to see those dark waters, and thats Paul Reiser.

— Scrotum, London, 1967.

OATMEAL/ HAPPY FACE
I shit you not, world, this is the SECOND time I’ve ordered something at The Smile that has a smile on it. The first time it was a mail-order bride! Am I right? No, im just kidding. It was an egg sandwich.
But, you better believe the honeymoon was still as hot as they come! No, im just kidding. It was pretty messy and the hotel pool was closed  :-(  There was no smiley face on this old bowl-o-curds that day! 
Eeek. Nose bleed!

OATMEAL/ HAPPY FACE

I shit you not, world, this is the SECOND time I’ve ordered something at The Smile that has a smile on it. The first time it was a mail-order bride! Am I right? No, im just kidding. It was an egg sandwich.

But, you better believe the honeymoon was still as hot as they come! No, im just kidding. It was pretty messy and the hotel pool was closed  :-(  There was no smiley face on this old bowl-o-curds that day! 

Eeek. Nose bleed!